Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Read less. Makes you think.
Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
Procrastinate more.
Starting tomorrow.
Spend more time at work, surfing
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Not have eight children at once.
Start being superstitious.
Personal goal: bring back disco.
Only wear jeans that are two sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
Not eat cloned meat.
Create loose ends. Get further in debt.
Not believe politicians.
Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
Associate with even worse business clients.
Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
Wait around for opportunity.
Focus on the faults of others. Mope about my faults.
Never make New Year's resolutions again.
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